Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Mother's...

You think love, the woman who gave birth to you, took care of you when you were little... Nursed you when you didnt feel good, etc... Right now the only word that comes to mind when I think of my mother is Bitch... I went over to her house not too long ago to visit... Took Emma on a walk to go see grandma... My brother and sil were there... We had some food, talked... I got up to get a drink and made the comment my butt hurt... She has these horrible hard wood chairs... She asked me whats wrong, I said my butt hurts, I guess not having all that padding its gotten a little bony and sitting on your hard chairs my butt hurts... She then mumbled some comment under her breath that my ass will get fat again and i'll have all that padding back... I then said "what was that" ? She then told me what she had to drink in her fridge... Quickly changing the subject... Sil walked me out and I asked her so were my ears right and she said yes... I didnt realize how hurt i was till the tears where running down my face... I hope I never in my life make my girls feel how horrible my mom has made me feel over my life time... When i was a teen she would call me lard ass and bubble butt, when i asked her why she did this , she told me she thought she was helping me.... The only thing she ever did was make me feel horrible about myself... And I try so hard to like me, for who I am and most days I do ok, till mom opens her toxic mouth... And lets not forget when I got pregnant I was 198, while pregnant I went down to 186-189 it went up and down, now five months after the birth of my daughter I go between 147-149 and I hear comments that that is not good enough, i should be like 140 or so... Nothing is good enough for her but I am not going to kill myself to make her happy... So today the only word that comes to mind is Bitch... Like my step dad used to say, I love you because your my mom, BUT that doesnt mean I have to like you...

4 comments:

Jenger said...

I am so sorry hun. I wonder if it is a generational thing. My mom does the same thing to me. I was 150 after the third child and four years later, after quitting smoking and not being able to exercise as much due to the humidity and my FMS making me physically ill, I am about 185-193. My mum will not tell me how fat I am anymore, but she will not tell me I look nice at all either. Well, to except that I breed good kids.

Draven said...

I'm sorry your mom makes you feel bad too... When I was pregnant after every check up it was did you gain any weight and if i did, dont gain too much, and when i told her i lost weight she thought that was good... I was like ya know i am pregnant i am suppose to gain weight... I lost it one night on her and told her it was none of her business if i gained or not... I have even in past encounters told her to worry about her own fat ass and not mine... Still doesnt stop her and she knows it hurts me but still does it...

Joy said...

I'll share my mom with ya! I'm blessed that she's not a weight obsessed person and that she's sensitive to my own weight issues.

Anyway...for what it's worth, you look amazing whether or not you've just had a baby!

Send your mom and her nasty comments my way, i'm rockin
200+ pounds and I'll sit on her to show her what fat really looks like :)

Yes, I Call myself fat, because I am, and it's ok. But I'll be damned if I let anyone else call me fat....then I get evil!

We women are way to hard on ourselves when it comes to our body image. Our generation is doing much better, unfortunately, our mother's generation won't outgrow their issues any time soon. They do indeed come from a different time, when it was ok, and expected to behave like that. You will make sure your daughter doesn't live like that, and in doing that, you should be proud of yourself for raising the next generation of Goddesses!!

Draven said...

Thank you Joy, :) for the most part my weight doesnt get to me then or now, its mostly my mom pointing it out, and my sister likes to do it too... Funny thing is neither one of them is that thin either... Hubby says they are just unhappy people and need to knock others to make themselves feel better... I just hope I raise confident kids that love them selves however they are, cause mommy will love them no matter what...